


She Used To Be Mine

by San_station



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, Children of Characters, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Historical, Hwang Hyunjin is a Sweetheart, Love Letters, Mentioned Bang Chan, Mentioned Kim Seungmin, Sweet Hwang Hyunjin, This is sensitive, World War II
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-24
Updated: 2020-02-24
Packaged: 2021-02-19 04:02:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22871533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/San_station/pseuds/San_station
Summary: If it wasn't for him, things would be different... but if it wasn't for him, she would've been lost a long ago...
Relationships: Hwang Hyunjin/Reader
Kudos: 12





	She Used To Be Mine

**Author's Note:**

> She used to be mine by Sara Bareilles inspired me to write this!!
> 
> I teared up a little, N E WAYS, I hope you like this!

You were slowly dancing in the living room, all alone, while the jazz music from the record player flowed through the house into your ears, making you breath in a small bubble of nostalgic and happiness. Your beloved friend, Seungmin, was taking care of your children, well informed of the special evening so you decided to embrace yourself with your traditional ritual. 

You arrived home pretty late, tired of working all day, although, the warm feeling of your home inviting you to relax on that special day was very promising, so nothing could stop you from opening that bottle of red wine, taking off your hurtful shoes and setting the music up. It brought you a bit of tranquility in a whole industrialized country where working was the first priority for safety.

You glanced at every little detail around you, the shelves where pictures and some toys rested, paintings that your children did gathered over the floor, promises made on those walls that will never be true… and so, you finally saw it. It was a small velvet box covered with a few dust particles. You slowly stepped near it and grabbed it with your free hand. 

You sighed and opened. 

_ It’s a special evening _ , you remembered. 

_ “March 20th.  _

_ Today is a special day, right? How are you doing? Are you eating well? This nostalgic is sickening the walls from our place, darling. Can you imagine the green walls getting darker and darker each time we say your name? We know you probably won’t read this on time but… happy birthday! It’s the first one away from us… How does it feel? Remember we’re happy for you!Oh, and Rodie wrote a poem for you, it says ‘One day I’ll be tall, one day I’ll be strong, one day I’ll be like you, that day might be soon’. Isn’t it cute?! He misses you so much, I really hope you’re okay. Stay safe and you’ll come home very soon.  _

_ Yours forever,  _

_ Y/N ” _

_ “April 19th. _

_ Today, Rodie wanted to go stargazing, he said he saw a shooting star and wished you were here. Then, he cried because he was pretty sure that saying the wish out loud won’t make it happen, but I made sure to let him know that we will see you soon, Jinnie! While I looked at the stars, all I could think was you. Your eyes are watching the same sky as we are, did you know? So basically we’re all stargazing together!  _

_ You’re the brightest star of all the galaxy, darling. Also, thanks for your letter and the little poem, Rodie was bragging about it at school all the week, even the teacher said he should stop but he’s a proud boy showing how much you care about him.  _

_ Anyway, stay safe. _

_ Yours forever,  _

_ Y/N.” _

  
  


_ “April 27th _

_ I got fever for the whole week, Jinnie, my sister took care of me the whole time, don’t worry! Yet, as I was sleeping with the delusional heat, I suddenly felt your warm arms around my waist, back hugging me while we sleep. Sometimes you’d touch my belly and ask if I was okay, if we were okay. And I’d say that you don’t need to worry about the growing life that’s getting stronger everyday on my belly… I didn’t want to wake up, however, Rodie asked to write you something again since we didn’t received a response from the previous one. He says ‘Dad! Did you know that elephants can’t jump?! And that pandas can be 12 hours eating?! I once ate for three hours because mom’s food is awful but I couldn’t throw it away, I love her too much.. Well, when are you coming home? Uncle Chan just arrived and he said he was with you for a couple of days but you had to go to another place… Where are you know? Take care, goodnight, Dad!’  _

_ He learned a lot today… I hope you’re doing fine and come home soon, love. We’ll wait for your letter.  _

_ Yours forever,  _

_ Y/N and Rodie.” _

  
  


_ “May 14st _

_ Your best friend Chan came home today, he says I’m getting fatter and I almost punched him in the face. Well, he’s not wrong, I hope you’d be here when the time comes.  _

_ Some days I miss you more than others, but some days I miss myself more than you… I can’t recognize myself in the mirror if you’re not here, my love. Rodie wakes up every morning asking for his daddy but he knows you’re doing your best. Be safe, Jinnie… We love you. _

_ Yours forever, _

_ Y/N. ” _

“ _May 25th_

_ Once again I’m standing here with my tainted fingers, today is colder than yesterday but warmer than the day before… I keep searching for answers to an unsaid question, and all I can think about is you, your soft lips against my cheeks, your bright smile making my heart skip beats, your loud laugh catching everyone’s attention, your sweet voice asking me to dance with you even if there was no music playing… We’re waiting for you, my love. It’s been a while since we got one of your letters but I’m certain you’re getting ours… We love you! Come home! _

_ Yours forever, _

_ Y/N.” _

  
  


_ “June 30th _

_ Today… Today is a nightmare, Hyunjin. We found a letter at the mail station a month ago, it was from someone called Seungmin, he said you worked together for a while… I waited a month to write this but here it is.  _

_ I’ll never forget you for doing this, Hyunjin. My heart is broken, I don’t think my tears will ever stop from falling, I feel like dying whenever I look at your pictures and… I can’t do this anymore, Hyunjin. Even when I know you’ll never read this, I need to write you because, someday, this feelings would get to you in a way, meanwhile, I’ll let myself suffer because of what you did… _

_ Yours, _

_ Y/N.” _

  
  


_ “July 6th _

_ I yelled at Rodie today… He was demanding to see you but I can’t, not now. Chan visited us, he told me to stay strong but how? Does he have feel how much a broken heart can swell and tear you apart from the pain? Does he know how difficult it is to breath when your chest is constantly on fire? It’s killing me inside constantly, Hyunjin. I don’t want this, I don’t like to feel this way when I know you can’t feel anything… I don’t want to tell Chan how I feel… I… I’m broken because of you.  _

_ Y/N.” _

_ “July 13th _

_ My sister looked at my belly and she cried… You made my sister cry, Hwan Hyunjin… You make me cry every single time of the day… I know you probably would be so sad knowing this, knowing you’re the reason I walk numbly from a place to another, the reason why Rodie can’t sleep, the reason why Chan and my sister have to take care of us. I said I don’t need their help but they insisted, they always did.  _

_ Now we’re having a beautiful dinner with your favorite food, my speciality… I miss you, and I know someday I’ll feel better, but right know I want to die slowly and painfully, I would hurt less than this mess.  _

_ Y/N.” _

  
  


_ “July 19th  _

_ I finally stopped crying, Jinnie… but everything feels wrong. It feels… empty… my heart…  _

_ Rodie won’t talk to me anymore after we fought, he speaks more with Chan that with me. I don’t know what to do and I know you won’t answer, but… what should I do?  _

_ Oh, we met Seungmin today, he visited us supresily. He’s kind. He told us about your stories together. After he left, I cried one more time… Listening how considerate you were with him… I love you.  _

_ You know? This is not what I asked for. If you would ask, I would give all for rewriting an ending or two for the girl that I knew, for the girl I used to be… For being yours one more time.  _

_ Yours forever? _

_ Y/N.” _

  
  


_ “September 16th _

_ Hi… Her name is Sam. Did you remember when we were joking about that name? I must say, she deserves that name. She looks like me, but she has your little mole below her eye and I kissed it, they same way I used to kiss yours. Congratulations, Jinnie, you have a daughter! (...)” _

The music stopped playing a while ago, and the only sound filling the house was your little sobbs reminiscing the whole escenario. 

_ “Ugh…  _

_ I can’t do this anymore... “  _

_ “December 24th _

_ Rodie wrote a letter to Santa. He asked for his dad, he asked to turn back time and stopped this, but he realized destiny is very machiavellian and sometimes, wished won’t come true.  _

_ By the way… Your friend Seungmin, he volunteered to take care of us, he said he owned you this for saving his life one time, he’s really generous. He saw how lonely I was and he’s trying to put a smile on my face, but only Sam and Rodie can do that. Sam, Rodie and you, the idea of you still next to us as a family. How beautiful would that be? Sam would climb to your back till she can see everything from your heights. Rodie would make me chase him and ask for ice cream, and I’ll eventually buy ice cream for everyone… Hyunjin, I miss you so freaking much… _

_ Yours forever, _

_ Y/N, Rodie and Sam.” _

  
  


_ “December 31st _

_ Hyunjin, happy new year… The war is over! I miss you more than I miss the old me, now, when I look at the mirror, sometimes I don’t even know who’s the one in front of me, all I know is that my heart belongs to you and will always be yours. Sam is getting bigger every month! She started to make weird baby noises trying to repeat my voice. Also, she loves music! She moves her little body when we play music. _

_ We all wish you were here. This is the first December without you. I can’t keep asking you this because is impossible… Come home, baby. _

_ Missing you, _

_ Your family. ” _

_ “February 14th _

_ Rodie got a lot of candy from a lot of girls and boys in his class! They said he looked like his handsome father and they’re not lying, my love. This is going to be one of the last letters I’ll write for you, not because I don’t love you anymore, ok? It’s because I think it’s time to keep the good memories we made in my head, my safeplace. I took Sam and Rodie to the first place we met, the college cafeteria! Rodie hated it for a second, then he got a lot of attention and felt like the prince he is. Sam slept all the time placed in my chest, I love her… she’s so calm… I wished she knew how much her father loved her… We love you, Hyunjin. _

_ Yours forever, _

_ Hwang Family.”  _

_ “March 20th _

_ Happy birthday, my love!  _

_ I know you can’t love me anymore, but you did it once and, for me, it meant the whole world. So, now. my love for you stays still as if it was the first time we said ‘I love you’... I was shaking so much that day… Thank you for loving me the way you did, thank you for giving me the opportunity to raise a family next to you. You’re gone, but you’ll always be in our hearts and minds, I’ll be sure to talk to Sam about you non-stop.  _

_ You broke my heart by losing your life that day, when the enemy attacked the base you rested in… that doesn’t mean you lost your family or friends, we will always remember your laugh, your face, your warmth, your cute smile, your bright eyes, the ways words came easily from your mouth, the way you showed your love so intense. I love you, Hwang Hyunjin… And, as the all time…  _

_ Come home. _

_ Your one and only.” _

**Author's Note:**

> Also, I just finished watching Crash Landing on You (Netflix) and I'm destroyed ;(


End file.
